My Brother

[RFMike]

It's been two weeks now since my brother took his life, and I still can't quite come to grips with it. My brother was one of twelve siblings, and full of life. He was T-boned 10 months ago by a drunk driver, she hit the passenger side of his pickup and pinned him against the driver's door. She had no insurance, and his insurance quit paying for treatment two months ago, told him there wasn't enough apparent injury to warrant further therapy or treatment. They suggested he get pain management counseling. He was in a lot of pain from the deep muscle injuries, and was on pain meds. Couldn't work his business at all, and was losing time on his full-time job, too. He called his partner on his cell phone, told him where he was, and shot himself. Another brother and I figured out where he was, and found him.

My brother was one of the kindest, gentlest souls I have ever met. I often said to my wife after a family get together, "I wish I were as good a man as Ron." He touched many, many people. The wake was in a small town, and there were over 700 people that came, on short notice, in the middle of the week.

Ron is gone, and while I'm still grieving over his loss, what I'm really asking for is prayers for the remainder of my siblings. All of us are strugglling to understand why one of the best of us has been taken, or why he had to be given such pain. Many of them feel that the big jigwaw puzzle that is our family now has an important piece missing, that we are incomplete. I'm praying that they can somehow feel whole, somehow close the circle. I think all of us feel that we could have talked more to him, or that we might have made a difference if he had called us instead of his partner. My family has had more than it's share of rain fall on them, and from that I know we will carry on. I just want them to feel less pain over this.

Thanks for listening to this long ramble. I have read many of your posts, and feel I know many of you, even though we've never met. I guess maybe the knowing/ not knowing you is what allowed me to write this in the first place.

Thanks,
Mike

[sttourer]

What a tragedy. I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Pat

[Mellow]

Mike, very sorry to hear of your loss, there aren't any words I could possibly say to ease your pain. Sounds like he was a very special guy.

[ArTravlR]

I am very sorry to hear of this Mike. I do not have the words to say what is in my heart for you and your family, except that I wish this was different.

I too have lost a brother a little over nine years ago, I still feel the loss.

For me, the only bit of emotional comfort I could garner was when I talked to God. Prayer helped me and my family. I will pray for your family to the best of my ability. I hope you can find some comfort there too.

Humble Condolences

Robert Bashaw
www.RideHSTA.Com
LoweST Arkansas
CBR1000F
ST1100A2 STovokor
VFR800A5 Interprize

[Mark]

I'm very sorry to hear of your and your families loss; you are all in my prayers.

Mark

[motomac]

Mike, my heart goes out to you and yours. Oh Man, this was a hard read and I know you can never get over this completely, at least I couldn't. Prayers for you and your family.

[Papa Ritch]

Prayers for all of your family & your Brother are coming. Ritch :03biker:

[gec343]

My prayers are with you and your family. I've had two close friends commit suicide within the last few years. Both seemed to be happy. Very sad to say the least

[ST/SV]

Sorry for your loss Mike.
700 people coming to his funeral tells me what kind of guy he was. He must have touched many a heart.

[STBNE]

Mike,
I too feel your pain.This past year I lost my Mom and 4 months later my oldest brother too.His death was in large part was due to a slow even deliberate suicide....since he never took care of himself,never once went to the DR.(until it was too late) drank excessively,smoked and suffered from debilitating arthritis that he never even once went to the Dr.for.He died on Father's day and I had to call his ex-wife and his 2 sons.It doesn't make any sense now...it might in the future or it may never make any sense to you.All I can say is I've done alot of soul searching and I find that each day it gets a little better.That is not to say I dont have days where I cry over how much I miss them and think how they were just here with me not that long ago..that happens evryday even now as I type this.... As for my Dear Mother...she lived a full and happy life all 89 years of it... Good Bye 2007 Good Riddance...I hope the New year is better and I pray that all of my extended family here at ST-Owners have a safe and prosperous New Year 2008.

[Lou65]

Mike, I am so sorry for your loss... most of us have to wonder at some point in our lives why bad things happen to good people. We find different answers or rationals sometimes and some times we don't....when you think about it in some ways we can't really know each other completely.

Possibly the pain and the meds altered your brother's brain
chemistry to the point that he was no longer the man you, your family and your many friends knew. Perhaps he lost hope and faced with a life of pain found the only solution he could at the time.

Surely he would want you and your family to move forward
and enjoy your lives...try to accentuate the positive and in time you will feel better and always love him. Mabe the why
part is beyond us and not necessary anyway.

My prays and best wishes to you and your loved ones....
Thanks for sharing.

[Geoff]

May God , your family and friends help you through this most trying time...my prayers are with you.

[forgitaboutut]

Very sad to hear this one Mike,Thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family...
May the new year bring you all closer together and some closure to this terrible tragedy.....

[STPaulK]

Mike, I'm sorry for your familiy's loss. It sounds like your brother was a very decent person.

To all, if you know of someone who drives while drunk, please consider having a very heartful talk with them.

[sandman]

Mike,

Words can't fully express my sorrow for your loss.

We can only hope the mourning period will be short and that your memories will all be focused on the good times you folks had with him.

[John Anthony]

Mike,

Our prayers are with you and your family. Losses like this around the holidays are doubly tough. Talking is an important step to help you all move forward with your lives. Based on my own experience, I know how easy it is to second guess yourself in a situation like this, but I hope you won't beat yourself up too badly.

John

[BridgeMan]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Mike. Better to dwell on the life he lived instead of the way he chose to leave this vale of tears.

[tlartist]

Mike, very sorry to hear about this. It is very good you are talking about this. Hopefully you and your family are also able to talk about this. It sounds like you have a close family, and reaching out to them like you have reached out to this group will hopefully help some.

When my father in law passed a couple of years ago I resolved to be a better man, like he was. It has helped some to keep the spirit of the man alive. Again, very sorry to hear about this.

[DAS]

Thanks for sharing Mike and I consider it a privalege to read and and share your agony. Some that have posted here undoubtedly know your pain more than me. Hard to know what to say other than I'll be praying for you and yours.

[AZST]

Tough read. Condolences to you and your family.

Close friend of mine took his life the same way 5 years ago. He called me the day before. Wife had left him and took the children unexpectedly to another state. I knew he was hurting and tried to help him as best I could. As much as I tried to get him to come out from PA to AZ to visit, he would never commit to doing so. He never confided in me what he was about to do, but in hindsight, it is clear to me that he had made up his mind. In talking to other friends after his death, he called them also and had similar conversations. No one knew.

Just remember what a great person he was.

--Bryan
04ST1300A
:04biker:

[EdiTri]

Mike,

my thoughts and prayers to you and family. I just got news today of a friend, young, respectful and a true gentleman, who died last night of lung cancer. not sure what is worse for us the remaining 'love ones', grief for those who are so despair to take their own life or those who struggle to stay alive, and don't... either way sadness and realism in this holiday season and new year make us all count our blessings, focus on what's important, enjoy while being carefull..

may you family be blessed with health and happiness and never know sadness...

[TearlessTom]

Mike I have no words of wisdom for you and nothing I could say could ease your pain, but you, your brother, and your loving family are in mine and all of our prayers.

Your Brother sounds like a wonderful loving person. I am sure he did not want to cause you all pain by his actions.

If you every need to vent write to this board or you can call a friend or a stranger if needed. We are all willing to listen.

Tom
251-367-4181
24/7

[Austin city limits]

Someone I know very well killed himself just 3 days ago... He was older and Health was failing him and I am affaid depression had struck as his wife had died about 2 years ago and he never recovered... I too am having a hard time with this,,, and can barely imagine what you must feel...

Prayers are sent,,, and will continue to be sent...

Sometimes I wish we could take a trip far away...

Leave all this trouble and heartache and pain for another day...

I will search for that place but 'til I find it all I can say is...

Live every moment,,, love every day,,,
Because before you know it,,, your precious time slips away...

[drmedak]

I am very sorry to hear of your brother's passing.

When I say I know what you are going through, I do. My only brother who was a college math professor took his own life in 2001. There are a myriad of emotions that you go through...shock, anger, and grief, just to name a few. Initially, I was angry with him for putting my parents through the grieving of the loss of a child. As time has passed, I have come to the realization that there is no way I can understand the pain, despair and hopelessness he must have felt in his mind and heart. When I lost my brother, in an instant I became an only child. In the two years that followed, both of my parents passed away and I became an orphan. I believe my parents fell ill due in large part to the grief and depression that came after my brother died. Were it not for a deep belief that there is a God who is in control, life might appear pretty bleak. Through those times I clung to Romans 8:28, the verse that says "all things work for good for those who love the Lord."

I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you go through this tough time.

Jim

[alphafang]

My thoughts and prayers to you and yours
Paul

[UNTMatt]

You and your family will be prayed for. Our sympathy is with your family at this time.

[luoma]

Its amazing how something with 2 wheels can bring good people together like this, our "eSTended family". I can't imagine what you must be going through. I can only hope that it is of some comfort knowing that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of sorrow. Keep looking up!
Larry

[kksine]

I am very sorry to hear about your lose. It is alway tough losing someone who is close to you, and it is hard to come up with the right words of comfort. There is a couple of verses in the Bible that might help. Phil. 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requess be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. and Matt 11:28-30. Come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
I hope this is of some help to you and know I will be another among many who will be praying for you and your family.

[RFMike]

To all who have written, and those that have not, but have still responded,

I have read these posts several times at this point, and I deeply appreciate the kindness you have shown. You'll never know how much it means.

To those who are also dealing with loss, my prayers also go for you. I hope that you have, or gain, the strength to find peace.

I can't bring myself right now to respond individually to all that have written; know that I appreciate the time you have taken.

Mike

[Papa Bear]

Mike, all I know is that there is nothing that I could write that can ease the pain. But I still want you to know that my thoughts are with you and I hope each day will get a little easier for you.

Pete

[Bribak]

My thoughts are with you. So sorry for you and your family's terrible loss.

[Elmo]

Mike,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Only God knows what you're going through and He is the only resource that I can point you to at a time such as this. He is able to grant you peace that passes all understanding. I will pray that He sends you and your family that peace.

You and your family are in my prayers.



Elmo

[johnSTamela]

Mike, my sincere condolences to all the family and friends. All I can say is time heals all. Until then, appreciate the time you had with him.

[gene]

Mike I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry for the loss you and your family are suffering. Thank you for trusting us enough to allow us into your life to help you through this time of need. Remember God's grace and mercy!

[sherob]

My brother took his life 26 years ago, a senior in HS. He had the whole world in his hands. He was one of the brightest and smartest kids you would have ever met.

I often go into a funk around his Birthday... even after all these years. To this day I don't understand why he did it, probably never will. But time does heal the wounds after a while.

I wish you and yours the best in your recovery in this terrible loss.

[Tom B.]

I'll skip my trademark entry as is seems out of place here! After all the great posts there is little to add except to say I'll be praying with the others for you and your family for health and healing! May God smile upon all of you and bless you with peace concerning your loss.:pray1: