🤣 Funny!

My wife and I were out shopping in town.

When we came back, there was a police officer issuing a parking ticket.

I approached him and said, "Hey, how about cutting a senior citizen some slack?"

He didn't respond and just kept writing the ticket.

Frustrated, I called him a "butthead."

He shot me a glare, then kept writing and added a ticket for our worn-out tires.

My wife then called him a "jerk."

He finished the second ticket and placed it on the windshield, right next to the first one.

Then he started writing even more tickets.

This continued for the next 20 minutes.

The more we insulted him, the more tickets he wrote.

Eventually, he finished up, gave us a sneer, and walked off.

Right then, our bus pulled up, and we hopped on to head home.

Now that we're retired, we try to have a little fun every day.

Gotta keep the spirit alive at our age!
 
rediscovered...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

We're not mind-readers, just ask for what you want.
Lets be very clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Just say it!

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
You don't hear us complain about you leaving it down.

Sunday is sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
the shotgun formation, monster trucks or motorcycles.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight for this; but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping... with an angry grizzly nearby...
 
A man walks into a bar with a small paper bag in hand….Sets the bag on the bar and orders a shot of whiskey….As the bartender is pouring the shot,he opens up the bag….Out jumps a man about a foot high….He pulls out a miniature piano,and starts playing away… The bartender says” that’s a pretty interesting bag, what else do you have in there?” Man reaches into the bag,and pulls out out a rusty lantern….Bartender says “ what’s that?” Man says “ rub it one time”… Bartender does,and out pops a genie..”You got one wish” he says… bartender says “I’d like 1 million bucks”… genie says wish granted and disappears… about a minute later a duck walks into the bar….Then hundreds,then thousands of ducks….Bartender says “ that genie’s got a hearing problem “….Man says” No *****..You really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”
 
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