🤣 Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
did you see the glitter bomb ones?There is one who hid a trap door under the doormat, the porch pirate fell right through...
(BTW over here in Europe those thieves would sue you... far worse: they'd actually win...)
OP
OP
A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now. As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!
So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for.
The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one.”
So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for.
The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one.”
... winter is coming, PMS is dawning...
OP
OP
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience
The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"
"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she says. So I checks the closet, under the bed, in some dresser drawers and out on the balcony. There, I finds this man hanging from the railing and cryin' like a six-year-old girl with a skinned knee. He says, 'Help me, oh help me,' he says.
"Sure, I can helps a fine bastard!" I says, do I. So I gets a hammer from inside and I smash this bugger's fingers until he falls six stories down, he does, but he's saved when he lands on a large pricker bush. I sees that he's not dead and I, still in a rage, I throws me refrigerator out the balcony, killing him. Right then, me heart gives out and I dies, I do."
Peter says, "Ok, in you go."
The second man comes up and Pete says "What's your story?"
The man says "Well, I was exercising out on my balcony on the seventh floor of my building when I slipped and fell over the edge. Luckily, I happened to catch hold of the railing on the balcony below me and was about to climb back up to safety when this asshole comes out, sees me, and smashes my hands with a hammer. I fell six stories onto a pricker bush and was badly hurt and frightened, but still alive. Next thing I know, that same guy drops a fridge on me and here I am."
Bored, Peter says, "OK, Next!"
The third man comes up and says, "So, here I am, hiding inside my brother's refrigerator..."
The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"
"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she says. So I checks the closet, under the bed, in some dresser drawers and out on the balcony. There, I finds this man hanging from the railing and cryin' like a six-year-old girl with a skinned knee. He says, 'Help me, oh help me,' he says.
"Sure, I can helps a fine bastard!" I says, do I. So I gets a hammer from inside and I smash this bugger's fingers until he falls six stories down, he does, but he's saved when he lands on a large pricker bush. I sees that he's not dead and I, still in a rage, I throws me refrigerator out the balcony, killing him. Right then, me heart gives out and I dies, I do."
Peter says, "Ok, in you go."
The second man comes up and Pete says "What's your story?"
The man says "Well, I was exercising out on my balcony on the seventh floor of my building when I slipped and fell over the edge. Luckily, I happened to catch hold of the railing on the balcony below me and was about to climb back up to safety when this asshole comes out, sees me, and smashes my hands with a hammer. I fell six stories onto a pricker bush and was badly hurt and frightened, but still alive. Next thing I know, that same guy drops a fridge on me and here I am."
Bored, Peter says, "OK, Next!"
The third man comes up and says, "So, here I am, hiding inside my brother's refrigerator..."