ST1100Y
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Nah... they're just the award for perseverance...
🤣 Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
Nah... they're just the award for perseverance...
Pop-Pop
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ST1100Y
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... and on that bombshell...
OP
OP
Yesterday, I was at my local TSC store picking up a large bag of dog food for my loyal livestock guardian. While waiting in the checkout line, a woman behind me glanced at the bag and asked, “Do you have a dog?”
What did she think I had—an elephant? But since I’m retired and have plenty of time on my hands, I decided to have a little fun.
“No,” I said with a straight face, “I don’t have a dog. I’m starting the Dog Diet again.”
Her eyebrows shot up, so I continued. “I probably shouldn’t, though. Last time, it worked wonders—I lost 10 pounds—but I ended up in the hospital. I woke up in intensive care with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.”
By now, the people in line were starting to pay attention. “The diet is simple,” I explained. “You just keep some dog kibble in your pockets and eat a piece every time you feel hungry. It’s nutritionally balanced, so it’s perfect for weight loss. I figured I’d give it another shot.”
The woman looked horrified. “Did the dog food poison you?” she asked.
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head. “I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end, and a car hit me.”
The guy behind her nearly fell over laughing, and I’m pretty sure the cashier couldn’t breathe. Suffice it to say, I think I might be banned from Tractor Supply now.
Moral of the story? Be careful what you ask retired folks—we’ve got all the time in the world to come up with creative answers.
What did she think I had—an elephant? But since I’m retired and have plenty of time on my hands, I decided to have a little fun.
“No,” I said with a straight face, “I don’t have a dog. I’m starting the Dog Diet again.”
Her eyebrows shot up, so I continued. “I probably shouldn’t, though. Last time, it worked wonders—I lost 10 pounds—but I ended up in the hospital. I woke up in intensive care with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.”
By now, the people in line were starting to pay attention. “The diet is simple,” I explained. “You just keep some dog kibble in your pockets and eat a piece every time you feel hungry. It’s nutritionally balanced, so it’s perfect for weight loss. I figured I’d give it another shot.”
The woman looked horrified. “Did the dog food poison you?” she asked.
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head. “I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end, and a car hit me.”
The guy behind her nearly fell over laughing, and I’m pretty sure the cashier couldn’t breathe. Suffice it to say, I think I might be banned from Tractor Supply now.
Moral of the story? Be careful what you ask retired folks—we’ve got all the time in the world to come up with creative answers.
Pop-Pop
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OP
OP
This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this straight. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere except the glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, $300." And the bartender's like, "What are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 apiece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."
