Mine is a reference to some old ST1100 history. Back in 1991, a fellow named Grant Norman (the infamous) started a quarterly, printed newsletter called "The ST1100 Newsletter." It had a lot of helpful tips and things for about 3 years. Then the ST1100 Email remailer (aka the LiST, now run by Don Feyma) came to life under Derek Catt and Charlie Woods (both RIP now). The net spread tips pretty quickly, so the quarterly printed format wasn't that helpful. Grant sent all his subscribers a letter saying if we would pony up some extra $, he would turn the newsletter into a full-blown magazine, starting every two months and going to monthly. He would change the name to "The ST1100 Magazine." Most of us jumped on the idea and sent in the money, about $100 each. For reasons that were not totally explained, Grant took the money and ran. Left Houston and moved to Kansas or somewhere. Disappeared. The thing is, he had a custom-painted yellow ST which was kinda hard to hide. He eventually had to get rid of it.
Anyway, back on the LiST, every 3 or 4 months some newby would ask "Whatever happened to the ST1100 Newsletter?" which initiated a long trail of flames about what a crook Grant Norman was. One day I was feeling like a comedian and launched a new, alternative publication called "The ST1100 NewsMag" which was a spoof of the whole situation. I never wrote any articles, but sent out via the LiST a set of article TITLES that were things we would really have liked to see, or parodies of them, and some jabs at folks on the LiST. It was hugely popular. My goal was to not make any promises that I couldn't keep like Grant Norman did, so I wrote the following advertisement...
Announcing, from Sheepdog Publishing Company:
!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ST1100 NewsMag !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's right, folks! You want the latest data on ST tires (or tyres)? You want headshake debates? You want inside gossip from Honda? Brake pad scuttlebutt? Pointless arguements about political correctness on the net? Harley clothing reviews? BMW bashing? Radar detector comparos? Sound system reviews? Scientific, objective windscreen evaluations? Inside secrets about the ST1100 and HRCA internet mailing lists? Gossip about the list members? A real reason to put a GPS on your bike? Free aftermarket accessories for your ST? Reviews of the latest ST innovations? Free tickets to all WSB races? Centerfold photos of the ST1100 bikini babe of the month? The annual swimsuit edition? Do you want all of this and more?!?!?
Well, Do you?
So do I. It's good to want things. Builds character.
Here's the deal:
For exactly one half the cost of a subscription to the Norman Magazine, which purports to be a quarterly publication, the ST1100 NewsMag will deliver to your living room couch on a MONTHLY basis, complete with photographs in living color:
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!
But wait! There's more!
For an additional $65 per year (that's less than 18 cents per day!) you can receive our personalized email service on a DAILY BASIS, so you can check your email each morning when you will receive from us:
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!
And if there's ever a problem with your service, you can contact us 24 hours per day, 364 days per year (we take off on Christmas, thanks), via phone, fax, email or carrier pigeon. Rest assured that any comments, questions or complaints will be promptly, completely, effectively and:
CHEERFULLY IGNORED!
And in reply you will receive for your trouble, as an added bonus:
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!
So act TODAY on this EXCEPTIONAL VALUE!!!
Subscription to ST1100 NewsMag: $9 or $12 per year (depending on what the Normans told you) or just send $10, as it doesn't really matter...
US CURRENCY ONLY, please! No personal checks, rubles, guilders or francs.
Best of all, there's NO EXTRA CHARGE for international subscriptions. We're keeping our costs low to serve you better!
Act today and receive a special bonus of:
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!
Steve Kelley, STOC #77, Editor in Chief
Warren Harhay, STOC #174, Contributing Editor
Shannon Kelley, Customer Service Manager
*** ST1100 NewsMag - We promise nothing, and that's what we deliver! ***
***** NOT a WG Norman Publication! *****
Shockingly, a few people actually sent me money! One guy even sent a check, which I still have. (I did return the cash). For you nostalgia fans, here was the inaugural issue:
ST1100 NewsMag December 96
---------------------------
Miracle Tyres from New Zealand - sticky, lifetime treadwear
Headshake Removed via Exorcism - Who Do That Voo Doo?
How to Summer-ize your ST - For friends down under
You Can Convert Watts to Lumens
Grant Norman - The DB Cooper of the ST World?
Why Brit-spec PANs Get Better Gas Mileage
Counter Steering - Better with Boxers or Briefs?
Field Tested: AeroProducts Least Direct Route Finder
Centerfold: Exposed! US-Spec ST Headlamp Assembly
Honda's 1998 ST1200 Spy Photos - Is That Fuel Injection?
Convert to Chain Drive in One Afternoon
STOC Member Profile - Dale Wilson: Rubber Pants - Iron Butt
12 Step Program to Break your Motorcyclene Habit
Corbin Refunds - Fact or Fiction?
The ST1100 NewsMag. It's Unique. It's Reliable. Subscribe Today!!!
c1996 Sheepdog Publishing
