🤣 Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
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The doctor tells the blonde that she needs to lose some weight. “You need to lose five pounds. I want you to eat normally for two days and skip the third. Come back in two weeks and we'll check your progress. “
Two weeks later she is back in the doctor's office and the blonde has lost twenty pounds! Her doctor asked her if she followed his instructions. She assured him that she had. “I ate as usual for two days and skipped the third. And boy, I thought I would die of exhaustion by the end of the third day!”
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Two young ladies enter a busy optometrist shop and walk around for twenty minutes trying on almost every pair of glasses. When the optometrist finally approaches them, he asks, “Can I be of any assistance to you?” They reply, “No it's ok sir, we're just 'Speculating'.”
Two weeks later she is back in the doctor's office and the blonde has lost twenty pounds! Her doctor asked her if she followed his instructions. She assured him that she had. “I ate as usual for two days and skipped the third. And boy, I thought I would die of exhaustion by the end of the third day!”
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Two young ladies enter a busy optometrist shop and walk around for twenty minutes trying on almost every pair of glasses. When the optometrist finally approaches them, he asks, “Can I be of any assistance to you?” They reply, “No it's ok sir, we're just 'Speculating'.”
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Because it scares the crap out of the dog.
Scares the dog
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
I've often said that while the current trend over here seems to be 'renaming' stuff they should change that to 'uncommon' sense to reflect reality.
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I like it when I can be myself,
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Bungee Jumping In Mexico
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day.
Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."
Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work.
When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Al jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again.
This time he is bruised and bleeding.
Again Joe misses him, Al falls again and bounces back up.
This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd...
WHAT THE HECK IS A PIÑATA?
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day.
Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."
Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work.
When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Al jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again.
This time he is bruised and bleeding.
Again Joe misses him, Al falls again and bounces back up.
This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd...
WHAT THE HECK IS A PIÑATA?
OP
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A blonde city girl named Judy marries a Saskatchewan rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Judy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn.Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Judy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple, she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
(It's nice to see a blond win one, once in a while.)
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Judy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn.Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Judy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple, she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
(It's nice to see a blond win one, once in a while.)