🤣 Funny!

Belisaerio said:
Reminds me of the joke of how to tell what kind of area you live in by sitting in front of your house naked.
- If you're in a rural area, no one can see.
- If you're in the suburbs, someone will call the police.
- If you're in an urban area, everyone will pretend you don't exist.
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Spouse and I were attending a couples prenatal class prior to the birth of our first girl. Teacher gave classes out of her home. As we were finishing up around 9 or 9:30 she mentioned to the group to please not mind her neighbor. Someone asked what she meant and she sort of smiled and said he was a naturalist............

As we're driving by this guy's his place he's stark naked standing in front of his living room window with hands behind his back. Mid 40's, a bit of a paunch, balding, not exactly a stud, but there in his glory for all to see. We just laughed and wondered what type of person / nut would do this type of thing.
 
The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious.

The query:

Dear Tech Support,

"Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support
 
Fortunately my wife does not read this forum....

So, today my wife, I love her so.... came through from the back room with her Samsung tablet, on which she had been watching a movie on Prime.....

"You didn't get my message?" she asked....

I was watching qualifying for the Belgian Grand Prix, so no...

She handed me her tablet showing messenger with her message to me which read....

"I have no wifi help".........

After retiring early in 2020 as an IT contractor, that is the funniest message I have never received.....
 
ST1100Y said:
... actually not funny, but I support that notion being applied for all those fast-food joints...

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An applicable sign I saw one day out riding -

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Uncle Phil said:
My professional experience dealing with government jobs -
We bid to redo a roof and they gave it to the lowest bidder.
When we pointed out that what they were proposing was going to leak and why and where (not in a rude way) this was their reply -
"I don't care, I'm not in the maintenance department!"
He was rewarded for getting it cheap not getting it right.
Needless to say, we never again bid on government work. ;)
IIRC, in Scotland the company that paves the roads have to maintain the roads for a certain period of time.
That changes things a bit!
Over here a company low-balls a bid, does a crappy job, then bids on the repair work and gets it. :think1:
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Once the low ballers have the job, weirdly, they seem to "discover" issues that will increase the cost of the contract. It's really puzzling, like they low ball the price with the expectation that they will make it up in "extras" during the life of the contract. Thankfully, I am not that cynical.....
 
Weaselinsuit said:
Once the low ballers have the job, weirdly, they seem to "discover" issues that will increase the cost of the contract. It's really puzzling, like they low ball the price with the expectation that they will make it up in "extras" during the life of the contract. Thankfully, I am not that cynical.....
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It's not always the contractor that is at fault. I spent my entire career as a government contractor, and helped write many proposals. As part of that process, my company provided training on how to write proposals that had the best chance of winning. One of the lessons had to do with assumptions. The case study ran as follows:

Three would-be prime contractors were bidding on a huge (half billion dollar plus) contract. All three bidders identified a number of technological precursor steps that would need to be completed before the real work of the contract could begin, but that were not called out in the scope of the request for proposals.

Two of the three contractors diligently and conscientiously included those precursor steps in their proposals and priced their bids accordingly.

The WINNING contractor called out the same items but wrote them into their Assumptions section, more-or-less as "We have identified the following things that create dependencies which will have to be done before the contract work can begin. <then they listed the items> We assume that these items will be addressed before we begin, and our price and statement of work are therefore limited to the specific items called for in the request for proposals."

Two of the three cost proposals were within a few million dollars of one another; the winner was about 1/2 to 2/3 of that amount. However, the government did NOT get the dependencies seen to in advance and ultimately made numerous piecemeal contract modifications (with corresponding cost escalations) to the low bidder's statement of work. In all, the cost ended up about twice the cost of the higher bids (which, you will recall, were priced to include the missing work.
 
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