🤣 Funny!

”God reaches out to Bob, and says , “ Bob, you have lived a wonderful life you’re honest, kind, go to church every Sunday, always help your neighbors. In fact, you lead such a great life, I would like to grant you one wish. Anything you want”.

Bob thinks for a moment and says, “ Yes, God , I know what I want! I am afraid to fly, but l’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii. Can you build me a bridge over the ocean to Hawaii so l can drive there?”

God gets a little angry and says “Bob, I didn’t think someone like you would try to take advantage of my generous offer. Do you have any idea how much work that would be, , to runs thousands of pilings from the ocean floor and then to pour the ridiculous amount of concrete that would have to be poured? That is an overwhelming job even for me”.

Bob apologizes and God says, “ Think of something else you want “. Bob ponders for a moment, then says, “ I know. If you can just explain women to me, what they want, how they think , you know, just help me understand women”.

There’s a long pause, then God says, “ Exactly where do you want that bridge built?”
 
docw1 said:
”God reaches out to Bob, and says , “ Bob, you have lived a wonderful life you’re honest, kind, go to church every Sunday, always help your neighbors. In fact, you lead such a great life, I would like to grant you one wish. Anything you want”.

Bob thinks for a moment and says, “ Yes, God , I know what I want! I am afraid to fly, but l’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii. Can you build me a bridge over the ocean to Hawaii so l can drive there?”

God gets a little angry and says “Bob, I didn’t think someone like you would try to take advantage of my generous offer. Do you have any idea how much work that would be, , to runs thousands of pilings from the ocean floor and then to pour the ridiculous amount of concrete that would have to be poured? That is an overwhelming job even for me”.

Bob apologizes and God says, “ Think of something else you want “. Bob ponders for a moment, then says, “ I know. If you can just explain women to me, what they want, how they think , you know, just help me understand women”.

There’s a long pause, then God says, “ Exactly where do you want that bridge built?”
Click to expand...

"... and will that be two lanes or four lanes?"
 
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)

"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?”
 
A wife comes home after a long day out shopping and freezes when she sees her husband in bed with a young woman.

She turns on her heel, ready to walk straight back out, but he sits up and says, “Wait. Before you go, let me explain.”

“On the drive home I saw her walking along looking absolutely worn out. She looked skint, so I offered her a lift. In the car she said she hadn’t eaten all day, so I brought her back and warmed up that leftover roast in the fridge that’s been sitting there for ages.”

“When we got inside I noticed her shoes were falling apart, so I gave her those shoes of yours you stopped wearing because they were ‘a bit last year.’”

“Then she said she was freezing, so I gave her that birthday jumper you never wore because the colour wasn’t really your thing.”

“And her trousers were in a right state, so I gave her that pair of yours you keep in the wardrobe for… motivation.”

He spreads his hands and sighs. “Anyway, she was just about to leave when she paused, looked back at me, and said, ‘Have you got anything else your wife doesn’t use anymore?’”

“So, here we are.”
 
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