🤣 Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
OP
OP
A traveling salesman's car broke down one day while driving through farm country. He called a tow truck but they said they could not come for many hours. Not wanting to sit in his car for hours he approached a nearby farmhouse and knocked on the door. The farmer answered the door and the salesman told him his story. No need to sit in your car, come on in and sit a spell. While sitting in the living room talking with the farmer a 3 legged pig pushed the front door open, runs into the room and hops up on a lazy Boy chair to take a nap. The salesman asks, why do you let a pig sit in your lazy Boy? The farmer explains, that's not any ordinary pig. That's a very special pig. Last year while the wife and I were sleeping… there was a fire in the kitchen. We both would have perished in the fire if it wasn't for that pig. He smelled the smoke, broke out of his pen, broke down the front door, ran upstairs and woke us up… he saved our lives!!!
…WOW!!! you're right. That is a very special pig. Just then the pig hopped down off the chair and ran into the kitchen. It came out with a huge plate of food from the kitchen, sat back down in the lazy Boy chair to enjoy its meal. The salesman asks… ok. I agree your 3 legged pig is special, but how could you let him have the run of the place, running into the kitchen and taking and eating all YOUR food? The farmer explained… saying, Listen… that is a VERY special pig. Last spring I was out on my tractor ploughing my fields. The tractor tipped over, I was trapped underneath it… I would have surely perished… but that pig knew something was wrong. He broke out of his pen, ran out into the field, dug a hole beneath me with his feet, grabbed my collar in his mouth and pulled me out from under the tractor, he saved my life!!!
WOW!!! You're right, I understand… that is one very special pig… but tell me, why does he only have 3 legs?
The farmer replied…. “Heck… a special pig like that… you don't want to eat him all at once!!!
…WOW!!! you're right. That is a very special pig. Just then the pig hopped down off the chair and ran into the kitchen. It came out with a huge plate of food from the kitchen, sat back down in the lazy Boy chair to enjoy its meal. The salesman asks… ok. I agree your 3 legged pig is special, but how could you let him have the run of the place, running into the kitchen and taking and eating all YOUR food? The farmer explained… saying, Listen… that is a VERY special pig. Last spring I was out on my tractor ploughing my fields. The tractor tipped over, I was trapped underneath it… I would have surely perished… but that pig knew something was wrong. He broke out of his pen, ran out into the field, dug a hole beneath me with his feet, grabbed my collar in his mouth and pulled me out from under the tractor, he saved my life!!!
WOW!!! You're right, I understand… that is one very special pig… but tell me, why does he only have 3 legs?
The farmer replied…. “Heck… a special pig like that… you don't want to eat him all at once!!!
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
People don’t get why we spend hours in the garage.
It’s simple out there, time slows down.
The world gets quiet.
And for a couple hours, all you have to worry about is one stubborn bolt...
It’s simple out there, time slows down.
The world gets quiet.
And for a couple hours, all you have to worry about is one stubborn bolt...
Sometimes that's just looking for a bolt.
Or that Tool you just put downSometimes that's just looking for a bolt.
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
... now that's an idea...
OP
OP
After returning from his honeymoon in Punta Gorda , Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how was da treep?
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da damma train ride down"
Whata you mean Luigi? asked Giovanni.
Well we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food.
She brough ta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da lunch basket.
The conductor e come aby waga his finger at us anda say, ' no eata indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'
So me and my beautiful Virgina, we go to da dining car. eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductor walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka indisa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So we go to cluba car.
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, No smokina disa car.
Musta go to a smokina car.
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed.
We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore , he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his voice..
Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !
sona-mubitcha-damma.... Next time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how was da treep?
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da damma train ride down"
Whata you mean Luigi? asked Giovanni.
Well we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food.
She brough ta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da lunch basket.
The conductor e come aby waga his finger at us anda say, ' no eata indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'
So me and my beautiful Virgina, we go to da dining car. eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductor walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka indisa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So we go to cluba car.
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, No smokina disa car.
Musta go to a smokina car.
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed.
We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore , he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his voice..
Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !
sona-mubitcha-damma.... Next time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus
OP
OP
A married couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary at home, just the two of them, enjoying a few bottles of champagne. 
After a few glasses, the husband, feeling sentimental and a little bold, looked lovingly at his wife and said, “Honey, after all these years, be honest with me. Have you ever cheated on me?”
She hesitated for a moment, then sighed. “Since you’re asking... I have - three times.”
“What? Three times?!” he exclaimed.
“Let me explain,” she said gently. “The first time was when we had just gotten married. You needed that heart surgery, and we couldn’t afford it. I… made a deal with the surgeon, and he did the operation for free.”
The husband blinked, stunned. “Wow… that’s- well, that was actually very kind of you. I guess I owe my life to that.”
He took another sip and asked, “Alright… what about the second time?”
“Remember when you were passed over for that promotion? I met with your boss, and after… some persuasion, he gave you the job.”
He rubbed his forehead. “I suppose I might’ve earned it anyway - but, well, thank you.”
Then he asked nervously, “And the third time?”
She smiled sweetly.
“Do you recall two years ago when you wanted to be elected president of the baseball club - and you were short fifty-three votes…?”
After a few glasses, the husband, feeling sentimental and a little bold, looked lovingly at his wife and said, “Honey, after all these years, be honest with me. Have you ever cheated on me?”
She hesitated for a moment, then sighed. “Since you’re asking... I have - three times.”
“What? Three times?!” he exclaimed.
“Let me explain,” she said gently. “The first time was when we had just gotten married. You needed that heart surgery, and we couldn’t afford it. I… made a deal with the surgeon, and he did the operation for free.”
The husband blinked, stunned. “Wow… that’s- well, that was actually very kind of you. I guess I owe my life to that.”
He took another sip and asked, “Alright… what about the second time?”
“Remember when you were passed over for that promotion? I met with your boss, and after… some persuasion, he gave you the job.”
He rubbed his forehead. “I suppose I might’ve earned it anyway - but, well, thank you.”
Then he asked nervously, “And the third time?”
She smiled sweetly.
“Do you recall two years ago when you wanted to be elected president of the baseball club - and you were short fifty-three votes…?”
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
... indeed always very hard to sense if tea, soup, chocolate, ice-cream or 'something stronger' are appropriate... 
Last edited:
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
... so, my GF urged me to to groom and 'dress up' for this year's Xmas family-gathering... 
whilst my original idea of a DIE HARD cosplay, wearing a stained wife-beater and shabby pants, was not well received... pfffff...
whilst my original idea of a DIE HARD cosplay, wearing a stained wife-beater and shabby pants, was not well received... pfffff...